For as long as I can remember, I’ve been driven by productivity—always pushing, always striving, always believing that my worth was measured by how much I could accomplish in a day. It was how I coped, how I found purpose, how I tried to outrun the feelings that threatened to slow me down. But over the past year, life has forced me to realise something important: this relentless pressure to do it all is a silent thief. It has drained my soul, leaving little space for rest, joy, or simply having the ability to just be.
On reflection I now see that I have approached Miscarriage Mumma Support in a similar way, productively, with a solution-focused mindset, and I am sorry for that. Healing from deep, life-altering trauma can't be broken down into a set of easy steps, it just doesn’t work that way. Healing doesn’t work that way. It isn’t a checklist or a quick fix. There is no simple, one size fits all approach for processing grief. It is a deeply personal journey—one that unfolds in its own time, in its own way, with the support of a compassionate and understanding community.
I would love to know where along the way, were we conditioned to believe that being busy equates to being valuable. That if we just keep moving, we can somehow outrun grief, outwork sadness, or prove we are strong. But the truth? Productivity does not define our worth. It is merely a measure of efficiency, not a reflection of who we are. True productivity isn’t about doing more, it’s about doing what matters, in a way that aligns with our well-being and values.
Reminder: Resting, breathing, simply being are not signs of laziness or failure. They are radical acts of self-care, and they are necessary.
When I was grieving, it was so easy to fall into the trap of looking around and wondering why everyone else seemed to be managing just fine. It felt easy, yet so brutally cruel to compare, to self-criticise, to question why others seem to be moving forward whilst I was stuck in a state of nothingness. In my search for answers, I would often try to replicate someone else’s path, believing that if it worked for them, it should work for me too. And while learning from others can be a powerful tool, it became harmful because it would then lead me to compare.
Reminder: No one has it all figured out. Not a single person.
We all carry our own unseen struggles. Healing is not and will never be a one-size-fits-all process, no part of life really is so comparing our journey to someone else’s simply robs us of the joy that is meant for us.
I have realised that happiness also isn’t found in perfection. In fact, the pursuit of perfection is one of the fastest ways to destroy your mental health. As I always tell my rainbow girl “practice makes progression, as perfection doesn’t exist” I truly believe that true happiness is found in connection, in the moments that make you feel alive—the warmth of the sun on your face, a conversation with someone you connect with, the softness of nature, spending time just allowing yourself to be your authentic self.
The more we chase things—money, status, material possessions—the more we crave, and the further we drift from the core essence of ourselves. When we pour our energy into what truly matters—people who value us, friendships, relationships, passions and interests—we find that sense of fulfilment that we often hope possessions will bring.
Of course, there is the practical aspect of life that is essential as well, paying bills, managing responsibilities, keeping things in order, these are a necessary part of life. But they are not life itself. Life is found in the spaces between. In laughter. In stillness. In the moments that fill our hearts with happiness and energise us.
I now know that not everything has a solution, nor does it need one. Some things simply are, and part of healing is learning to sit with that, honour that, and move forward in a way, and time frame that works for us as individuals. And that’s okay.
So today, I apologise if you have ever felt you weren’t able to follow the ‘practical’ steps I laid out in the hope of fixing the unfixable. It was an oversight on what truly matters, and at times lacked true support and connection. Today I encourage you to pause, to release the pressure you might be putting on yourself and to embrace what makes your soul feel alive. Because this messy, imperfect, beautiful existence is what makes life and is what makes each of us so perfectly unique.
As long as we have our health and an understanding of the power of connection, we have more than we realise.
Love always
Miscarriage Mumma
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